Digital Marketing Haiku, Because Why Not?

I got way over-caffeinated today and started scribbling down haiku about digital marketing. Then I asked my team if they had ideas. The results were, um, fascinating. Here’s what happens when 30 marketers try to write poetry:

Employment

Poetry Degree
Find a real job? No way.
Start marketing gig

You demand volume
“Shower the web with content”
Print your resume

Good Days

Gave a client great news
Happiness abounds with them
I now bask in joy

Great data dashboards
Bring salty tears to my eyes
My heart’s cockles warm

Bad Days

You are a guru
Fine. Provide good advice or
I may throat punch you

Your site is so slow
Developer says too bad
I scream angrily

UX

Tried to browse your site
“Please enter your email first”
You must be insane

Restaurant website
No map, no menu, no hours
Photo of tables

Analytics

Data Studio
Needs combined data sources
To kill off Tableau

SEO

All the best content
Isn’t worth a hill of beans
If you noindex

Your gray footer links
Drive me up the wall because
They don’t fool Google

Content

If you can write fast
and without standards, don’t stop
Til it’s an e-book

I have one typo
Smarty pants find it. Twitter
corrections explode

Collections

Why you not pay me?
Look at your site. It went poof.
Now can you pay me?

Wistfully we gaze
Wondering why you decline
To pay this invoice
(wrote that in 2015)

Conclusion, and Futility

I just found out that
marketing haiku are not
new. My soul empties.